Holidays

Holidays, for me is not a fun time. Most of the time it is a time, where i feel very alone. My family does not really do anything, even if they do, the most is a lunch and most of the time my dad never goes. When is the Holidays the days feel very long and I am in school so, i should be doing HW stuff but i never really want to do it. In the past most of the time i get emotional break downs a lot more in the holidays and feel very unable to do anything about it. When people put on Christmas theme things and watch Christmas movies, i just wonder first of all the fact that most of that stuff is market and has nothing to do with what Christmas really is. Secondly, I guess because my family does not really do anything, i feel weird and i am not where i should be, around people who do these things. Many times i just wonder to myself, when/if i have a family what will i do, i guess that depends on who i marry, if she cares to do any of that stuff, but if it were up to me, i don't think i will care to do anything about it at all. One thing for sure i don't think i will need to do the, have something with both parents type of thing, cuss my parents don't do that stuff.

I am just not sure how is it that, I know i need to look for Christ, i know i need to be reminded that the Holidays, is a time for me to talk about Christ to people and remember what he has done on the Cross. But i just don't really do that or think about it very much. The things of everything else about my life weights on me and i never remember to look to Christ and realize his plans for all of these things. In many ways i just wish that every day was the same and that there is no special days, to go on, so we don't have to think that we have to do something special on some days and others we don't. I just wish we can live, in a way where that even saying every day is special and that is how we are to treat it. I just wish i had a more biblical mindset about everything and wish i can live where by my faith shown by my works but i don't really see that. I always just fall about to how alone i feel and wishing that these days will be over soon.