Lone Wolf

There are many things i can say about loneliness but for the past feel years, I still feel lonely and don't really have any real friends. There are a few people who i can talk to now and be encouraged by and some that really try to understand me these few years and try to help me in a lot of ways But they can only be there so much for me because All of us have our own life's and our own struggles to deal with, that we can't really be there for everyone. Is just a matter of in alot of ways you yourself having to learn how to deal with it. It will never be easy to deal with it and feeling isolated by others. It don't help if you see or hear others having a great time hanging out or being very close friends with each other, when you yourself are just sitting at home by yourself isolated. Worst of all is people you want to be close to, who ether can careless about you or just don't have time to spend with you. It makes so much pain in your heart that in alot of ways many of us just wish that it will end. That we can just stop feeling and don't care about what is going on around us.

The in alot of ways a Great truth but at the same time sad and also yet a bitter sweet truth is that. Christ has died for the ones he has saved and has called us to remember his gospel and a call to holiness by helping others and loving one another, but always thinking that it is Christ who does all and it is Christ who saved us from our sins... the very sadness we feel about our place in this world and with other people, which is idiocy to God, who deserves our worship to him. But how much graces he has shown us by dying for the ones he saved and giving us everlasting life with him and be able to worship him by giving us the holy spirit, to change our sinful hearts and to convert us to able to love Chirst becuse he loved us so much.

But we always forget this truth and is always a fight to remember and repent. We are fighting a uphill battle that we can never win but if we are saved God will win it in the end. Is always so hard to remember that hardships the thing God uses to grow us... when is happening to us... and we wish it was not happening to us... that life should be better then this... In many ways no other person can help you in that way, no one can help you be able to understand your own pain and how God wants to us it for you. In that way you are able to just do whatever it is. We are called to trust in Christ, Grow in Trusting in him more and more to be able to just, do his will because he wants us to and we trust in his promise and remembering his grace and saving us from.

We are feel like Lone Wolfs deep down... or at some point in our life and nothing we do will make the pain of it go away... even if we get all we want... a wife/husband... or a great job... or even great in serving in ministry. We are always to remember what Christ has done for us... remember our First love... but that does not mean we get any better at it... it does not mean it will get any easier. we are sinners as long as we are on this earth... One day we all hope to be able to say as Paul has said "I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me and the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me!"

Summer of Realizing Disciplines

This summer was a very hard time for me, all though if i think about it i am pretty sure, most of my summers before this was pretty hard too. But i guess this summer was a summer i realize how much i didn’t follow Christ’s commandments. I found myself realizing and also from rebukes from other brothers that Hebrews 12:4 “You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin” and 1 Corinthians 9:25 “Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. ” I realize that i have not taking my life in Christ seriously that i have done very little to really follow, 1 Corinthians 10:31 ” So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” and mainly in the way of me not discipline myself and never understand that we are to 1 Corinthians 9:27 ” But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. “

I realize that i am not Disciplining myself not just in reading the bible/praying/helping others but… most of all in my own life… I think about i rather serve in ministry and not never finding ways to improve my english or looking in to how to lose weight or seeing about how i can get a job. I realized that ministry is just an out pouring of the life you live for Christ because i understand what he has done for me by dyeing on the cross and saving the ones he chooses from sin and it shows by how you live your life in this world and if you follow Christ and understand the bible, you understand that this life as a christian you live to follow God and do his word because that is what he called us to do and we do it because he saved us. I realize that i need to take my walk seriously and do all the things i need to do in life as a man of God. That i will be able to provide for myself ( and in the future a family). In order for me to do that i need to first and for most… learn English seriously so i am able to get a job ( for i have reading disability that really hurts me)… take school more seriously and really work out… and reading the bible to understand Gods word and to pray so i can ask God to help me and that i can relay on him. Making convictions that i can follow … that i have to question myself if i have no convictions of my own about how to live this life and a world of sin… there is something very off about it.

Lastly now… I am not really able to fully talk about what i have really been though in the summer… in a blog like this… but i have shared how i have been feeling my convictions of the summer of realizing disciplines.