War of Words: Getting to the Heart of Your Communication Struggles

The first time i read this book... a few years ago... i was thinking that this book was really boring me with the gospel and i just wanted to see what i needed to do to help myself more to be able to interact with people but... now that i read it again for my church's care group and with my church's rethinking about what the gospel really means.... I found that this book is really edifying and really reminds us that is all about Christ... that we are sinners who hurt each other... and is only because of the gospel.. because of what Christ done on the cross, that we can even be able to be talk lovingly to others. That if we do change is because Christ changed us... I think this book really reminded me of that... it spends most of the book reminding Christians about the gospel and how that effects our talking... and later it gives us some guide lines to follow and remind our self when we forgot the gospel that Christ died for the sins of our talks...

This book is meant to be read slowly for you to reflect on each chapter and each point they are trying to say... there are a lot of practical things on there as well as many reminds of how we are able to realize how our words can lend to wars.

Philippians 4

Meeting with a brother the other day, expressing most of the things that has been troubling me, about relationships, school, future life, social life, my concerns for others. Afterward, he emailed me back with an encouragement and reminded me of Philippines 4. That Paul was saying he learned to be content in any situation, because of Christ.

I always seem to go to me and all these problems but i never seem to face the facts that none of my problems or issues matter, when it comes to how i should be living my life to Christ. That as Paul learning to be content no matter what happens in his life. Thats the issue that everyone faces, is that not seeing Christ right beside them, and that everything that is happening does not matter.

I wonder how are we to think " 8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." I wonder how impossible it is for me to think of these things and how much is it that is depended on Christ to change me, and for me to remember him, but at the same time if my works does not show at all, how can i say i trusted and have faith in him, when i am not trying to do anything about it. That is the biggest thing for me, how can i trust in faith, what he has done and remember it and in that the faith coming from it will change me. When I look at my life and my actions has changes very little to reflect, if i really care about him, when nothing has changed.

But i guess that is where is about being content comes in, content in what he has done, content that no matter what happens i am still his. That content knowing that Christ has died for my sins and that no matter what happens in this world, i will be in heaven worshiping Christ in the end, with no sins to hold me back.

Because someone asked about what i am thankful for with all of the issues going around me and wishing things that will be different. The only thing i cant think of that i am thankful for is being saved by Christ from sin, and that is the bottom line of what Christians fall back to. If i was not saved i most-likely be a drinker of my depression so much that i may have taken my own life bring me to hell, But because Christ has saved me, i don't have to fear that anymore. But is so hard to remember these simple trusts and remember What Paul was saying in Philippines. Is impossible for me but with Christ anything is possible.

Revised entry on Friendship

About a year ago, I wrote some entries about how I think Godly Friendships should work. Now, looking back I think what I said was still right but in how friendship worked for me since then has changed some of my views.

First i will address about the different type of friendships, before i came to CBC. I always trying to look for mentors, so to speak, and people i can help. As, it being the older people, will help me and guide me and i am able to guide the younger people. I was never in my life able to find someone to be a mentor to me, and i did try to guide others but it never really turn out well, plus the fact that i am not in a position to do so. It gave me a almost impossible task, that I needed to find that Christian that was further then me in life and can help me and understand me completely, the issues i have, means i need to be all these things to someone younger then me. In my mind before, i just didn't understand why did i ever not find this person that i can look up too, and even if i think someone else was similar in that position, there was something about that person that ether they just didn't understand me as much as i want to or they are just to busy to get to know me that much. I just keep on thinking that one day God will give me this person.

Now after coming to CBC and being here for over two years, with the church leaders being so transparent, where they always remind people that they are sinners and have issues and thinks stuff anyone else would. Also, with the fact that there is not mentorship so to speak at CBC, i started to wonder if it was right for me to think like that. (as expressed in one of my first entries a year ago) But around the time I wrote the entries last year, i realize that i have not been very good friends to the brothers, that i have spend a lot of time with. After i realize that, i realize that being a brother in Christ, and being a loving brother to people, there is no real mentorship. It was as the Bible says loving one another with brotherly love. If i was really a Christian and i truly cared about my fellow Brother or Sister in Christ then I should be loving and caring to them and that is the basic. There is no mentorship involved in it. In a way viewing Christian friendship as a mentorship, the one doing the leading is almost always has to be right, and that is wrong, because everyone is a sinner and no one more right then the other person, only God's word can show US, what is right or wrong and what we should do about it. We are to speak to each other in love and Speak Gods word, not our own options on what the person should do. But most of all, just loving the person, if the person does not think they are being loved there is no way, they think anyone can help them and being hard on them is not going to help them at all. ( some people it may but most of the time it does not)

One of the guys i knew for a long time, when i first meet him, i think he was cold because he hardly try to talk to me, but i realize he was just not a very good speaker, then he become my teacher, and then he was like my older brother who watching out for me, but the more and more i knew him and knew that he himself sinned and seeing him as a person, and not as a mentor, he is now, i see him as a brother in Christ, someone who is older then me, who has his own sheep to take care of but he is no better then me, in anyway and if asked he will say the same.

One thing that must be noted that, with say people whom God has put as leaders over me, is not like i don't treat them as leaders, but i think of it has, First of all he is a brother in Christ, he is still a man and needs help as much as i do, but at the same time, God has put him as a leader him myself and someone who wants to help me and expresses issues, that he thinks i need to look out for, or rebuke me about sin. But if is just what they think i should do, it does not mean i need to do 100% what they say, is more like why are they telling me that matters, unless is clearly a sin issue. But all of it still comes down to if they and i understand, the core what a brother is to do for another brother loving one another.

As true Friends, we are to remind each other of Christ and be loving and caring to each other, not to boss the other person around thinking they can change their lives but knowing Christ is the one that changes lives and just pointing people to Christ, knowing that they are not any better, a Christian then anyone else, they need Christ as much as anyone else. Only in that way, where we can be loving to one another and not trying to replace God, or trying to find someone who can take the place of God, in their loves.

Holidays

Holidays, for me is not a fun time. Most of the time it is a time, where i feel very alone. My family does not really do anything, even if they do, the most is a lunch and most of the time my dad never goes. When is the Holidays the days feel very long and I am in school so, i should be doing HW stuff but i never really want to do it. In the past most of the time i get emotional break downs a lot more in the holidays and feel very unable to do anything about it. When people put on Christmas theme things and watch Christmas movies, i just wonder first of all the fact that most of that stuff is market and has nothing to do with what Christmas really is. Secondly, I guess because my family does not really do anything, i feel weird and i am not where i should be, around people who do these things. Many times i just wonder to myself, when/if i have a family what will i do, i guess that depends on who i marry, if she cares to do any of that stuff, but if it were up to me, i don't think i will care to do anything about it at all. One thing for sure i don't think i will need to do the, have something with both parents type of thing, cuss my parents don't do that stuff.

I am just not sure how is it that, I know i need to look for Christ, i know i need to be reminded that the Holidays, is a time for me to talk about Christ to people and remember what he has done on the Cross. But i just don't really do that or think about it very much. The things of everything else about my life weights on me and i never remember to look to Christ and realize his plans for all of these things. In many ways i just wish that every day was the same and that there is no special days, to go on, so we don't have to think that we have to do something special on some days and others we don't. I just wish we can live, in a way where that even saying every day is special and that is how we are to treat it. I just wish i had a more biblical mindset about everything and wish i can live where by my faith shown by my works but i don't really see that. I always just fall about to how alone i feel and wishing that these days will be over soon.

Limbo Chap VII-IX

Chap VII - Fish

I walked outside and saw a pool with two fish in it. The two fish reminded me of pain and hoping, that i had. Looking back the pain that i always had and the hope that one day, that the pain will go away. How long i have wished that i didn't care and wishing i was able to have it but that never was true and never will be. Even knowing the pain will not go away, i still hold on to it knowing with out it, there is nothing i have. Looking around i think i saw another fish but was gone before i can see it. Think that not deciding to do anything abou it and just leaving it, wishing that i was not in that position.

Chap VIII - Trees

I looked up and saw many trees that is how little it was that i know of this place or anyone. That walking passing by seeing trees after trees, that i don't know and wishing that i did know about it. Wishing that it was never like this and wishing that , going around will finally find some of the things that i can care about and are able to know but can't happen when i care so much about everything.

Chap XI - Rock

I walked pass everything and saw a Rock on the ground and picked it up. I throw it away, looking back that it was forgetting the troubles around but is always there, choosing not to solve or help. that is issues that will always be there and never will be gone.

Prologue

I fell after this and then there was was the things i have see before and around me, the grass road, The Key, The Rare Flower, The Curtains , Dozen Pink Flowers, Window, The Fishes, The Trees and The Rock. I wonder why it was shown and what it says about everything. But I soon forget am back in the darkness with nothing.
I had a hard time trying to think of how to write this in a way where it still tells the meaning but not to give away, what it really means . So most of the stuff i wrote i am guessing don't really connection to it. I guess i need to improve on these type of writings. I think i will go back to normal format after this.

Limbo Chap III-VI

I saw something from far away. I ran to it and saw this flower that was like no other. I wanted to keep it but I know that all that will do is let it die and it would be in my hands. I started to walk away and keep on going on to find a road. looking back seeing that flower, now it is the only thing there. But i don't have anything for it. The more i walked away the more i wish i had it for it was the only thing different in this word that i have seen but it is to much for a thing like that to be taken. I walk wishing I had the means for it but i never do and there is no way i will at this point.

Chap IV-The curtains

I don't remember how long it has been that i have been walking. So long that my mind drifted away in to the key. That i hold in my hand. I looked at it and remember many things, that i wish i didn't. Looking up i saw something i didn't think i ever will see but There was a cabin in the middle of no where. The curtains were closed. I wondered for a little bit and saw that the curtains are not that strong. It can easily be moved, the curtains looks like it has been open many times and wishing it can be opened but how things are will not have it open.

Chap V- Dozen Pink Flowers

With that in mind i went to the Cabin and found the door open. There was nothing in the cabin but a pot of dozen pink flowers. I wonder why these are there. I wonder how it was to affect things. How the feels go by with seeing something for the first time. Seeing and feeling that rush of wishing and wanting. The passion of emotions that runs when something is seen for the first time and wishing to have that feeling forever. Trying to take that feeling and put it somewhere near hoping that it will not be lose. But now seeing the rest of the cabin. It is so empty and with nothing but the first hint of the Flowers.

Chap VI - Window

I realize there was some stairs and i went in to a room. There was a bed, a desk and a window. The bed didn't seem very interesting but the desk and the window seem equally as interesting. I had a hard time seeing if i should look outside or see what is on the desk. I finally go to the window and looking outside it reminded me of the many things that no matter what happens, seeing the hope is always the best thing. Seeing how things really are, is what that matters.

Limbo Intro & Chap I-II

Was hanging out one day and someone did a personality test thing, where she told it as a story and it made me think that i can write a story out of it. So, i am going to start typing entry's till i am done with the story. There is IX Chapters.

Chap I- Green field

I close my eyes and there was wind in the air. When I opened them, i saw a grass field, a never ending field. I wonder where i am to go, where is the road I am to go. But there are no roads, only the endless field and the sky.I was standing there wondering that all i see is the endless field, so there is no point trying. I was just standing feeling the wind and watching the clouds pass by. How alone it was to be here, how unchanging everything was. I last track of time in this field, then I remembered, that there was a road that i wanted to find but i never seen, so i start to walking, hoping that one day, I will find this road. For some time i have walked but i saw nothing but green and every time i saw a hill, i hoped that, there would be something behind it but it turned out to be more greens. I started running hoping that it will take me faster and hoping i would find the road. I ran and ran until i had passed out and fell. When i came, i realize i didn't fall on grass but on snow. I looked up and saw there was snow slowly falling down everywhere. From the falling snow, it seemed like time was forever slow and much more unchanging then the grass fields were. It made it all the more alone. It was dark and I am hardly able to see anywhere, but i knew that, like the grass, this snow field was just as endless. So i stayed on the cold snowily ground, for it was the only comfort i can find. The only comfort it gave was shape cold pain but it told me that i was still there. I was still alone, i still had feelings. I don't know how long i have been there, and it was a never ending feeling. I closed my eyes again and hoped i never wake up.

Chap II- Key

My eyes opened, I was still on the snowy ground and had no hope of anything. Then i realize one of my hands was holding on to something, which was not snow. I don't it was there before it was a key. The key gave me images of a life. A life i may have had before but i don't remember. I don't know how this key got there. I wondered if i had it when i first hear the winds blow in the green field and never realized it. I don't know anymore, I feel like i have used this key to fight and defend myself. That i hoped in this key more then anything else in the world. That i would never let it go. To understand what this key was, I can't stay here. Maybe the key will hope me find this road i want but i don't know until i try. It took me some time but i was able to get to my feet and was able to have feeling in my body again. I started to walk, in this deep snow in the dark knight.