Holidays, for me is not a fun time. Most of the time it is a time, where i feel very alone. My family does not really do anything, even if they do, the most is a lunch and most of the time my dad never goes. When is the Holidays the days feel very long and I am in school so, i should be doing HW stuff but i never really want to do it. In the past most of the time i get emotional break downs a lot more in the holidays and feel very unable to do anything about it. When people put on Christmas theme things and watch Christmas movies, i just wonder first of all the fact that most of that stuff is market and has nothing to do with what Christmas really is. Secondly, I guess because my family does not really do anything, i feel weird and i am not where i should be, around people who do these things. Many times i just wonder to myself, when/if i have a family what will i do, i guess that depends on who i marry, if she cares to do any of that stuff, but if it were up to me, i don't think i will care to do anything about it at all. One thing for sure i don't think i will need to do the, have something with both parents type of thing, cuss my parents don't do that stuff.
I am just not sure how is it that, I know i need to look for Christ, i know i need to be reminded that the Holidays, is a time for me to talk about Christ to people and remember what he has done on the Cross. But i just don't really do that or think about it very much. The things of everything else about my life weights on me and i never remember to look to Christ and realize his plans for all of these things. In many ways i just wish that every day was the same and that there is no special days, to go on, so we don't have to think that we have to do something special on some days and others we don't. I just wish we can live, in a way where that even saying every day is special and that is how we are to treat it. I just wish i had a more biblical mindset about everything and wish i can live where by my faith shown by my works but i don't really see that. I always just fall about to how alone i feel and wishing that these days will be over soon.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Limbo Chap VII-IX
Chap VII - Fish
I walked outside and saw a pool with two fish in it. The two fish reminded me of pain and hoping, that i had. Looking back the pain that i always had and the hope that one day, that the pain will go away. How long i have wished that i didn't care and wishing i was able to have it but that never was true and never will be. Even knowing the pain will not go away, i still hold on to it knowing with out it, there is nothing i have. Looking around i think i saw another fish but was gone before i can see it. Think that not deciding to do anything abou it and just leaving it, wishing that i was not in that position.
Chap VIII - Trees
I looked up and saw many trees that is how little it was that i know of this place or anyone. That walking passing by seeing trees after trees, that i don't know and wishing that i did know about it. Wishing that it was never like this and wishing that , going around will finally find some of the things that i can care about and are able to know but can't happen when i care so much about everything.
Chap XI - Rock
I walked pass everything and saw a Rock on the ground and picked it up. I throw it away, looking back that it was forgetting the troubles around but is always there, choosing not to solve or help. that is issues that will always be there and never will be gone.
Prologue
I fell after this and then there was was the things i have see before and around me, the grass road, The Key, The Rare Flower, The Curtains , Dozen Pink Flowers, Window, The Fishes, The Trees and The Rock. I wonder why it was shown and what it says about everything. But I soon forget am back in the darkness with nothing.
I had a hard time trying to think of how to write this in a way where it still tells the meaning but not to give away, what it really means . So most of the stuff i wrote i am guessing don't really connection to it. I guess i need to improve on these type of writings. I think i will go back to normal format after this.
I walked outside and saw a pool with two fish in it. The two fish reminded me of pain and hoping, that i had. Looking back the pain that i always had and the hope that one day, that the pain will go away. How long i have wished that i didn't care and wishing i was able to have it but that never was true and never will be. Even knowing the pain will not go away, i still hold on to it knowing with out it, there is nothing i have. Looking around i think i saw another fish but was gone before i can see it. Think that not deciding to do anything abou it and just leaving it, wishing that i was not in that position.
Chap VIII - Trees
I looked up and saw many trees that is how little it was that i know of this place or anyone. That walking passing by seeing trees after trees, that i don't know and wishing that i did know about it. Wishing that it was never like this and wishing that , going around will finally find some of the things that i can care about and are able to know but can't happen when i care so much about everything.
Chap XI - Rock
I walked pass everything and saw a Rock on the ground and picked it up. I throw it away, looking back that it was forgetting the troubles around but is always there, choosing not to solve or help. that is issues that will always be there and never will be gone.
Prologue
I fell after this and then there was was the things i have see before and around me, the grass road, The Key, The Rare Flower, The Curtains , Dozen Pink Flowers, Window, The Fishes, The Trees and The Rock. I wonder why it was shown and what it says about everything. But I soon forget am back in the darkness with nothing.
I had a hard time trying to think of how to write this in a way where it still tells the meaning but not to give away, what it really means . So most of the stuff i wrote i am guessing don't really connection to it. I guess i need to improve on these type of writings. I think i will go back to normal format after this.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Limbo Chap III-VI
I saw something from far away. I ran to it and saw this flower that was like no other. I wanted to keep it but I know that all that will do is let it die and it would be in my hands. I started to walk away and keep on going on to find a road. looking back seeing that flower, now it is the only thing there. But i don't have anything for it. The more i walked away the more i wish i had it for it was the only thing different in this word that i have seen but it is to much for a thing like that to be taken. I walk wishing I had the means for it but i never do and there is no way i will at this point.
Chap IV-The curtains
I don't remember how long it has been that i have been walking. So long that my mind drifted away in to the key. That i hold in my hand. I looked at it and remember many things, that i wish i didn't. Looking up i saw something i didn't think i ever will see but There was a cabin in the middle of no where. The curtains were closed. I wondered for a little bit and saw that the curtains are not that strong. It can easily be moved, the curtains looks like it has been open many times and wishing it can be opened but how things are will not have it open.
Chap V- Dozen Pink Flowers
With that in mind i went to the Cabin and found the door open. There was nothing in the cabin but a pot of dozen pink flowers. I wonder why these are there. I wonder how it was to affect things. How the feels go by with seeing something for the first time. Seeing and feeling that rush of wishing and wanting. The passion of emotions that runs when something is seen for the first time and wishing to have that feeling forever. Trying to take that feeling and put it somewhere near hoping that it will not be lose. But now seeing the rest of the cabin. It is so empty and with nothing but the first hint of the Flowers.
Chap VI - Window
I realize there was some stairs and i went in to a room. There was a bed, a desk and a window. The bed didn't seem very interesting but the desk and the window seem equally as interesting. I had a hard time seeing if i should look outside or see what is on the desk. I finally go to the window and looking outside it reminded me of the many things that no matter what happens, seeing the hope is always the best thing. Seeing how things really are, is what that matters.
Chap IV-The curtains
I don't remember how long it has been that i have been walking. So long that my mind drifted away in to the key. That i hold in my hand. I looked at it and remember many things, that i wish i didn't. Looking up i saw something i didn't think i ever will see but There was a cabin in the middle of no where. The curtains were closed. I wondered for a little bit and saw that the curtains are not that strong. It can easily be moved, the curtains looks like it has been open many times and wishing it can be opened but how things are will not have it open.
Chap V- Dozen Pink Flowers
With that in mind i went to the Cabin and found the door open. There was nothing in the cabin but a pot of dozen pink flowers. I wonder why these are there. I wonder how it was to affect things. How the feels go by with seeing something for the first time. Seeing and feeling that rush of wishing and wanting. The passion of emotions that runs when something is seen for the first time and wishing to have that feeling forever. Trying to take that feeling and put it somewhere near hoping that it will not be lose. But now seeing the rest of the cabin. It is so empty and with nothing but the first hint of the Flowers.
Chap VI - Window
I realize there was some stairs and i went in to a room. There was a bed, a desk and a window. The bed didn't seem very interesting but the desk and the window seem equally as interesting. I had a hard time seeing if i should look outside or see what is on the desk. I finally go to the window and looking outside it reminded me of the many things that no matter what happens, seeing the hope is always the best thing. Seeing how things really are, is what that matters.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Limbo Intro & Chap I-II
Was hanging out one day and someone did a personality test thing, where she told it as a story and it made me think that i can write a story out of it. So, i am going to start typing entry's till i am done with the story. There is IX Chapters.
Chap I- Green field
I close my eyes and there was wind in the air. When I opened them, i saw a grass field, a never ending field. I wonder where i am to go, where is the road I am to go. But there are no roads, only the endless field and the sky.I was standing there wondering that all i see is the endless field, so there is no point trying. I was just standing feeling the wind and watching the clouds pass by. How alone it was to be here, how unchanging everything was. I last track of time in this field, then I remembered, that there was a road that i wanted to find but i never seen, so i start to walking, hoping that one day, I will find this road. For some time i have walked but i saw nothing but green and every time i saw a hill, i hoped that, there would be something behind it but it turned out to be more greens. I started running hoping that it will take me faster and hoping i would find the road. I ran and ran until i had passed out and fell. When i came, i realize i didn't fall on grass but on snow. I looked up and saw there was snow slowly falling down everywhere. From the falling snow, it seemed like time was forever slow and much more unchanging then the grass fields were. It made it all the more alone. It was dark and I am hardly able to see anywhere, but i knew that, like the grass, this snow field was just as endless. So i stayed on the cold snowily ground, for it was the only comfort i can find. The only comfort it gave was shape cold pain but it told me that i was still there. I was still alone, i still had feelings. I don't know how long i have been there, and it was a never ending feeling. I closed my eyes again and hoped i never wake up.
Chap II- Key
My eyes opened, I was still on the snowy ground and had no hope of anything. Then i realize one of my hands was holding on to something, which was not snow. I don't it was there before it was a key. The key gave me images of a life. A life i may have had before but i don't remember. I don't know how this key got there. I wondered if i had it when i first hear the winds blow in the green field and never realized it. I don't know anymore, I feel like i have used this key to fight and defend myself. That i hoped in this key more then anything else in the world. That i would never let it go. To understand what this key was, I can't stay here. Maybe the key will hope me find this road i want but i don't know until i try. It took me some time but i was able to get to my feet and was able to have feeling in my body again. I started to walk, in this deep snow in the dark knight.
Chap I- Green field
I close my eyes and there was wind in the air. When I opened them, i saw a grass field, a never ending field. I wonder where i am to go, where is the road I am to go. But there are no roads, only the endless field and the sky.I was standing there wondering that all i see is the endless field, so there is no point trying. I was just standing feeling the wind and watching the clouds pass by. How alone it was to be here, how unchanging everything was. I last track of time in this field, then I remembered, that there was a road that i wanted to find but i never seen, so i start to walking, hoping that one day, I will find this road. For some time i have walked but i saw nothing but green and every time i saw a hill, i hoped that, there would be something behind it but it turned out to be more greens. I started running hoping that it will take me faster and hoping i would find the road. I ran and ran until i had passed out and fell. When i came, i realize i didn't fall on grass but on snow. I looked up and saw there was snow slowly falling down everywhere. From the falling snow, it seemed like time was forever slow and much more unchanging then the grass fields were. It made it all the more alone. It was dark and I am hardly able to see anywhere, but i knew that, like the grass, this snow field was just as endless. So i stayed on the cold snowily ground, for it was the only comfort i can find. The only comfort it gave was shape cold pain but it told me that i was still there. I was still alone, i still had feelings. I don't know how long i have been there, and it was a never ending feeling. I closed my eyes again and hoped i never wake up.
Chap II- Key
My eyes opened, I was still on the snowy ground and had no hope of anything. Then i realize one of my hands was holding on to something, which was not snow. I don't it was there before it was a key. The key gave me images of a life. A life i may have had before but i don't remember. I don't know how this key got there. I wondered if i had it when i first hear the winds blow in the green field and never realized it. I don't know anymore, I feel like i have used this key to fight and defend myself. That i hoped in this key more then anything else in the world. That i would never let it go. To understand what this key was, I can't stay here. Maybe the key will hope me find this road i want but i don't know until i try. It took me some time but i was able to get to my feet and was able to have feeling in my body again. I started to walk, in this deep snow in the dark knight.
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